Play and Non-Play Sex

I spent some time this last week with tO, probably (sadly) for the last time, ever.

There was no play involved, but there were some elements.  He really has the spanking down - not letting up when he knows I'm reaching my pain threshold.  "Spanking through"?  Similar to a running phenomenon running through.

And my hair... grabbing a handful and yanking me back, pulling me into a very uncomfortable backbend.  Painful, scary and intense.  Couple that with his fingers I'm my cunt stroking my g-spot... Hmmm.  I get wet just remembering.

But I noticed a change in me.  I knew we weren't standing in the same D/s roles as before, so it was, for me, just done for me.  I did it because I wanted it, not for him as my D.  I pulled his hands away, wriggled away and spoke out on some of the harder spanks.

I guess that this is it for me.  I have a fear that I won't have TTWD anymore and it will just be an add-on to sex. 

Having what I did with tO and sharing what we did - I WANT that, but can't even wrap my head around anyone but him...

Still speaking in the present tense about this even though it's over.  This pain, the pain in my heart, this pain I don't like.

Merry Christmas

I found this on the Slave Isabelle's Journey Blog a couple of years ago...

Twas the night before Christmas,and all through the town

Her pleas could be heard as her panties came down.

“Oh Santa,dear Santa,don’t spank me,I pray!

I’ll be ever so good,starting right from today!”

But Santa just chuckled,“I’ve heard that before

From many a bad girl with bottom so sore

As she wriggles and squirms ‘neath his hand’s hearty sting.

But a promise like that –why,it means not a thing.

What matters,dear One,as you’ll very soon see

Is that you should be spanked across Santa’s broad knee.

Till your sassy bare bottom is burning bright red!”

And with that,the old fellow did just as he’d said,

And proceeded to spank her with all of his might

Till her yelps echoed loud in the cold frosty night,

And each swat,ringing out like a loud pistol shot,

Turned her soft,round bottom increasingly hot.

Then,when she’d been hand-spanked with many a smack,

The jolly old fellow reached into his sack.

He produced a fine paddle of well-seasoned wood.

“Now,this is the thing that makes naughty girls good.”

He remarked with a grin. “And I think you’ll soon find

How effective it feels on a soft,tender behind!”

“Oh please,Santa! No more!” she cried in dismay,

But the paddle cracked down without further delay,

And despite all her protests and wailings and shrieks

It soon deepened the blush on her squirming, rear cheeks.

Poor Dear how she wriggled but all was in vain,

For the paddle descended again and again

Till her bouncing bare bottom was sizzling and sore

And as red as the costume that Santa Claus wore.

But at last he relented allowing her to rise,

Hugged her warmly while wiping the tears from her eyes,

And murmuring,“There,it’s all over,my dear!”

Rubbing soothing cool cream on her blazing, hot rear.

Then he exclaimed,“Well Miss,your sweet bottom so curved

Has had the sound spanking it so richly deserved.

From now on,I’m sure,I don’t need to explain,

If you’re good then I shan’t have to spank you again.

But if you are naughty –remember,my dear,

That Santa keeps watch for the whole of the year!”

Then smiling,he shouldered his bulging big sack,

And sent her away with a crisp farewell smack.

So she hurried to bed with satisfaction you know,

With a song in her heart and her bottom aglow

And a sense that all manner of things were all right.

But she slept facing down on her tummy that night!

-Author Unknown

Letting Go - the Good Way

I just got back from a 10 day trip to the East Coast.  I got to spend some time with tO.  We're back together, and playing again, albeit ribbonless. 

I felt tO let go a bit more than usual. 

Have you felt play get to the point that you're on a knife edge, and you know if you tip to one side it will be too much and you'll break and come apart.  But if you tip to the other side, you just KNOW that it will fall short and you'll be left unwhole.  And the only thing that keeps it all in balance is Him.  He holds you there, by his will and your hair.  And the blade slices you and burns SO good...

Released

A sad day for me.  A couple of days ago,  tO decided to not continue our real life relationship and with that, today came the severing of our play relationship.

Not an easy thing to swallow, the break up, but hopefully I will learn from it.

tO was amazing.  He was everything I could want in a D.  The play we shared was on a level I've never experienced before.  Which is exactly why I couldn't write much about it.  It was all too intense and personal to share.

Asking to be released was hard, but necessary.  I asked not because I want to jump into another D/s relationship, but because I viewed it as a real tie to him.  When he asked me if I would be his s and if I wanted him for a D, I answered yes and took it seriously.  He removed the ribbon when he was out a few weeks ago, because I was having surgery. 

So I am glad I didn't have to take it off myself tonight.

That would have been too much.

And I hope he changes his mind and comes back to me.

Absence

It had been six weeks since she had seen Him.  Her body craved Him, needed Him.

They spent the morning at His work.  He wore His uniform.  It turned her on.

They came home and sat on the couch, relaxing.  He still had his uniform on.

He told her to go get her crop.

She did as she was told.

She knelt in front of him, holding the crop.

He told her to stand and He removed her panties.  He bent her over His knees - her sundress up around her waist.

He started spanking her, fast and hard, stopping occasionally to smooth His hand over her warming ass, only to start again just as hard.  She had to remind herself to breathe.

He let her up and leaned her over the couch, spreading her legs wide.  The crop/cane was brought down against her legs.  She had to bite down onto her hand to keep from crying out. 

He was bringing her there, she could feel herself drifting away.  He wouldn't let her go, though, not just yet.

He pulled her by the hair up onto her knees.  He unzipped the trousers of His uniform and pulled out His cock.  She opened her mouth and He thrust inside of her.  Not a pretty blow job - a hard, dirty, messy face fuck.  Several times He slid His cock deep into her throat, constricting her breathing, and held her there, panic starting to build as she felt her head go fuzzy.

He came like that - deep in her throat. 

Afterwards, she stayed kneeling, resting her head on the couch, exhausted and spent.  He absently ran His fingers through her hair.  She smiled to herself,  closed her eyes, and left.

Home Game

He was in her house.  On her turf. 

She should have felt some sort of assurance from that, but she didn't.  She felt a bit self conscious - awkward in her own home.  This was her territory.  She made the rules here , she decided what happened, and when.

Yet here she was, naked and exposed, feeling like a little girl in trouble.

She liked it.

She brought Him her crop, bridle straps and clothespins as she was told, and was now kneeling in front of Him - her ass in the air and head on the floor.

She both loved and hated being like this.  It's a humiliating position, being presented like that.  Your sex is RIGHT there, no way to hide anything.  There's no modesty allowed.

And yet it excited her, doing something good girl's don't do.

He took the clothespins and and clamped them on her inner thighs, and on her cunt.  They hurt, especial on her sex.

She felt the bridle straps running along her back, and shivered in anticipation.   He brought them down hard, maybe too hard.  She can never really tell if it's too much, or if it is just the contrary part of her fighting letting go.

She took it well, though, and only found her breathing labored when He stopped.

He took the clothespins off, slowly dragging them off her skin. 

She was wet, very wet.  She could feel it against her thighs.

He smacked her with the crop - using it like a cane against her buttocks and the back of her legs.

She gasped and tried to stay still, but it became too much and she had to bring her hands to her face to keep her from protecting her ass.

She knelt there, and felt herself slip away.

On Knots, Needles and Such...

We were sitting on the couch after dinner.  I was curled up next to him, feeling very content when I got my first order from tO and I knew it had begun.

"Suck my cock." 

Three simple words that cause my body to immediately pool wetness between my legs.

I knelt before him.  I quickly found out this wasn't going to be a pretty, porn-worthy blow job where I got to play and tease.  No.  He was in control tonight and let me know it.  He took from me.  With his hands tangled up into my hair so tight that I couldn't move while he fucked my mouth.

When he was done, he told me to go upstairs, undress, leave my clothes folded neatly, and wait at the foot of the bed.  I asked if I could shower first and he said I could, but to be quick.

I undressed in the bathroom, folding my clothes neatly as I was told.

After my shower, I quickly braided my hair, grabbed my stack of clothes, went into the bedroom, knelt at the foot of his bed and waited.  I was getting anxious and was beginning to tremble. 

tO came upstairs and started getting things ready.  He wouldn't look at me, or rather, he wouldn't meet my gaze. 

First thing he bound my hands together and hauled me up off the floor and hung me on the door hook, facing him.  He whispered in my ear a choice- the only thing I would have control over this night- "Clamp or my belt?"

I chose his belt.

He brushed it lightly against my thighs.  The first stroke was light but they got progressively harder.  My skin welted where his belt landed as he worked his way down my legs and up again.  He let some land across my belly and hips, and the belt wrapped around me like a hug.  I soon stopped squirming and sunk into my bonds. 

He took me down and untied my hands.  He sat me on the bed and started binding my arms behind me in a dragonfly sleeve.

He laid me back on the pillows and quickly got to work.  He was still in D mode, but something else had come over him.  He was working.

He pinched my nipple until it was erect and clamped the forceps on.  He had calmed me down enough with my beating that my trembling had stopped and I barely flinched when the needle passed through.  A few moments went by as he put the stainless barbell on my newly pierced nipple.

He untied me and led me to the mirror to see my new piercing.  I loved it. 

We laid down together and he held me.