The Aftermath - Coming Down

...there's a song that's been running through my head today.  From the moment I pulled away from the curb and left him...

This weekend was my first real in person play.  I've dabbled with one person, but not with someone who knows what they're doing or has experience of any sort.

Sub-drop.  I was warned about this.  I was told what to expect. 

I did not expect this.

I'm a wreck.  It shows in my writing.  It's disjointed, bouncing from thought to thought.  It's all connected, though, trust me.  Stay with me and it will make sense.

I'm home now.  Everything is as I left it.  Nothing has changed.  Yet I find myself searching for what's out of place, missing. 

It's me.  I'm out of place.  I'm missing.  I've changed.

I know this will pass.  Hours will go by.  Chores will get done.  A day or two will pass.  And before long I'll be back on track again.  How many cups of tea will it take?  How many hot baths?  Will the box of chocolates he brought me see me through?  Will I feel better before the bruises heal so I can trace each one and remember the exact moment the straps hit without feeling sadness?

I have an odd feeling about me.  The everyday part of me is saying, "pull yourself together, this is your life.  This is who your are"  and the sub half is telling me, "but this is who you are, also.  You are both."  My being separated this weekend and I need to find a way to meld back together...

I need to let the tears that I have been fighting since last night come.  I need to let them out.  I think that's the first step.  I will lace up tomorrow.  The corset might help. 


This song has nothing to do with things, but I can't get the chorus out of my head.

Come Down In Time
Music: Elton John  Lyrics: Bernie Taupin

In the quiet silent seconds I turned off the light switch
And I came down to meet you in the half light the moon left
While a cluster of night jars sang some songs out of tune
A mantle of bright light shone down from a room

Come down in time I still hear her say
So clear in my ear like it was today
Come down in time was the message she gave
Come down in time and I'll meet you half way

Well I don't know if I should have heard her as yet
But a true love like hers is a hard love to get
And I've walked most all the way and I ain't heard her call
And I'm getting to thinking if she's coming at all

Come down in time I still hear her say
So clear in my ear like it was today
Come down in time was the message she gave
Come down in time and I'll meet you half way

There are women and women and some hold you tight
While some leave you counting the stars in the night